It Gets Easier

As the days roll into weeks and the weeks roll into months, I realize one thing - the distance between my husband and myself gets easier to deal with. When I think about him, when I miss him, I no longer cry like I used to. When I remember things that we used to do, it doesn’t make me want to just sit in corner and mope, instead I learned how to appreciate the things we used to do and smile when I remember. Yes there are moments that I feel hollow and empty inside and there are moments that I feel like I want to hold his hands, touch his face or play with his hair, but those moments pass as easy as they come.

Tonight, I thought about my husband and I missed him, and I felt sad, not because I missed him, but because I no longer had the urge to cry. I felt weird not being able to cry, I no longer had the suffocating ache in my heart when I think about him, I just miss him. It’s not that I want to keep crying every time I think about him, nor do I want the pain to remain in my heart. It’s just that when I do not feel the pain, I feel like my heart has gotten tougher in a way that I don’t want it to be. I do not want to get used to not having him around. I do not want to stop yearning for him, to touch him, to hold him, to kiss him. I do not want to stop wanting to be with him. And everyday that we are not together gets me used to not having him around, and I don’t want to get used to not having him around.

And it’s true, people will tell you, it will get easier, it will get better. The Time will come when you will no longer feel as sad as you feel during the first few weeks after he leaves. It’s true, all these things that they say will happen, but do you really want it to? Do you really want to teach you heart to get used to being apart? I don’t.

I want to keep missing him, I want to keep yearning for him. I want to continue to feel with my heart. I want to feel sad when I think about him, not because I want to be “emo” but because I don’t want to toughen my heart from this emotions, I want to miss him everyday because I want to be excited every moment I get the chance to be with him.

I remember when he was still in the Philippines with me. He would go to work every week day and I will be left at home. And every day during the times that he is due to arrive home, I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from looking at the clock every minute, anticipating his arrival. I did this everyday for the whole 3 years that we lived together. I would get excited when I hear the jingle of his keys, every time I hear his heavy footsteps, I would smile at myself as soon as I hear the back door open. I missed him everyday when he went to work, and get excited everyday for him to come home to me. I don’t want that feeling to stop. I want to keep waiting for him, I want to keep getting excited.

Yes, after a while it gets easier to cope with the sadness. It gets easier to deal with the pain of being left behind. But I really don’t want it to get easier. Because when it gets easier, it also gets easier to forget.

Loving Singapore

When I went to Singapore last March I was able to go on some of the child friendly tourist spots in Singapore. But before I enumerate all of them I want to emphasize how beautiful the country is and how organized everything is in Singapore and any place that you go to or visit is like a tourist spot in itself.

Some of the amazing places I visited with my husband and daughter is Jurong Bird Park, which holds the biggest man made waterfall in the world. They have bird feeding times where you will be able to feed the birds with live worms and see gorgeous birds and even the weirdest birds that you have ever seen up close, they even have the birds and friends show where people get to participate and interact with the animals, it is really amazing.We were also able to experience the Singapore Zoo where they have feeding times for a white rhino and a giraffe.  

The zoo also offers a lot of shows and entertainment and bathing suits and change of clothes is a must if you will visit the water slides within the zoo. 

The Night Safari is also a great experience for us, seeing nocturnal animals up close. Although the walk around the park is a bit intimidating as it is really dark, and sounds of the night gives me chills, but all in all a great experience. Underwater World is also a good place to spend the day in. They have a small indoor tank where you can feed the sting rays, fresh water fish and salt water fishes. You will be able to see enormous fish that even taller than Yao Ming. 

The end destination of the underwater world tour will bring you to a large outdoor pool that holds 5 or more dolphins that shows off a bit when they see their trainers holding buckets of fish.

More unexplored tourist spots for me is the newly established Universal Studios Singapore in Sentosa. They have great new rides that the whole family can enjoy. Street shows and delicious food also awaits their guests. And currently being constructed is this kind of wild safari for water animals that will be finished in 2012, so thats also something to look forward to. They also have Jurong Reptile Park, this is somewhat similar to Jurong Bird Park only the reptile park will have, well, reptiles instead of birds. The Singapore Flyer in Marina Bay, G-Max Reverse Bungy in Clarke Quay, Songs of the Sea in Sentosa, Chinese and Japanese Gardens, are must sees too, and I am sure there are lots of not very common but very interesting places in Singapore to visit too.
But the best place I loved in Singapore is theirCommunity Playgrounds and community pools that is just extremely beautiful and great for my daughter and my family to bond. You would not have to spend a penny to take your child to a beautiful clean park, because it is there free for everyone to use. And the public pools are unbelievably clean, fun and is like a water park that should cost more than it actually does.

I am just loving Singapore, every bits and pieces of it is amazing, truly amazing.

Looking Forward

This year has definitely been a difficult year for me, for us, with my husband leaving for Singapore and all. But one thing that had kept me sane is being able to look forward to things and this year besides being filled with missing Noel has also been filled with good things to look forward to.

In January, although I felt as gloomy as ever, I atleast had february to look forward to and dread at the same time. Last year my sister and I booked a flight and accomodations for a 5 day vacation in Boracay. We scheduled it when we weren’t certain yet that Noel will be leaving for work. We booked everything planning that it will be like a double date / double honeymoon for me and Noel and my sister and her husband (kuya Rio). It was gonna be the greatest vacation ever, because Me and Noel and My Sister and Kuya Rio never had our own proper honeymoon. I got myself Pregnant before marriage, and there was just no time for honeymoon after the wedding because of a newborn and all, and it was the same for my sister and kuya Rio, they got married when my sister was around 3 months pregnant with Kian, so no room for a honeymoon too. It was all planned, we booked the flights late August and it was set. Then Noels Singapore Applications finally pushed through and he was scheduled to leave on December 3, 2009. I still decided to push through with the Boracay Vacation and I just invited my bestfriend (kate) to accompany — although it took me quite some time to convince her to come, and my sister invited one of her closest friend (Angel) and the three of us ended up sharing the best Boracay trip I’ve had last February 23-27. That was something that kept me sane all of January, preparing for the trip. Although some nights when I was in Boracay left awake because I’m missing my husband and wishing that he was there with me, I still had a really good time — but towards the end of vacation, I’ve looked forward to going back to Manila because 5-days apart from my daughter has been the longest I’ve gone without being with her.

Once I was back from the Boracay Vacation — I started looking forward to the Singapore Vacation that Nike and I will be having towards the end of March and the preparations for that kept me excited and sometimes took my mind off being lonely about being away from Noel. The vacation was also pre-planned Last year around December 2009. Right after my husband left for Singapore, I have become obsessed with becoming in the newsletter of Cebu Pacific and Tiger Airways and when I would ever so often (everyday) look at airfares to go to Singapore, and one day (A week after Noel left) I decided to book a flight Singapore for Nike and myself via Tiger Airways for March 2010 - it was a 9 day vacation that Nike, Noel and I enjoyed so much. Well atleast we enjoyed the time when we were in Singapore, but I hated the travel to and From Clark - Manila. This is also the time I realized that I really really didn’t want to raise my daughter here in the Philippines, I want her to get to know a place where she wouldn’t be scared to walk at night, or hide her phone from strangers when taking a call. I just fell in love with Singapore and from then and there I started looking forward to living there with my husband.

When Nike and I came back here in Manila from Singapore, I was devastated. It was a hard thing to experience. To be reunited to your husband and be separated again not knowing when you will see each other again. So after a week, Noel and I talked about me and Nike spending Christmas in Singapore with him. So when I was booking a flight I decided, why just spend Christmas together, I’m sure Nike would be more than thrilled to spend also her birthday with her daddy. So I booked a flight for Nike and Myself to Singapore from December 8 - 29 2010. 3 whole weeks in Singapore, a complete family spending birthdays and Christmas together — a really great thing to look forward to.

After a few days I received a newsletter from Cebu Pacific indicating a seat sale that is valid for travel from January - March 2011. Noel booked a flight to come home to the Philippines for the week of my birthday. 1 whole week to spend with my husband! A great birthday to look forward to.

And just tonight when Noel showed me his work schedule for the year, we saw a spot of 5 work days that he can file for a leave from work which will give him 14 whole days off of work and he will be coming home again from September 26 - October 10 of this year. He just filed a leave today and we will know for sure of its approval or rejection sometime this week. But if this push through it will be a whole 2 weeks with my husband here in the Philippines with me, our daughter and him to spend. And I am so looking forward to spending those 2 weeks in September/October with him.

What I realized is that sadness is inevitable but if you fill your days with things to look forward to then it wouldn’t be so bad. Things to look forward to doesn’t always have to do with travelling, but it could also be things that could temporarily take your mind of things, like taking a class for something that you have always wanted to do, or going out for a scheduled drinks with your closest friends, or even a scheduled walk in the park with you and your daughter. Instead of filling your days with sad thoughts, fill it with plans, Instead of filling your head with old memories that make you cry, go create new ones with those you have around you and before you know it you are happy again.

Changing Plans

I am a sucker for sticking to plans and when plans change or fail I feel upset and resentful. I am not one for disappointments and I discouragement. And just last night one of the most important plans of my life fell through, my husband decided that September is too soon for me to go to Singapore and look for work and be with him, for what reason? I do not know. He’s been in Singapore since December 2009 (almost 5 months now) and I visited him there last March, and I just fell in love with Singapore. He before last night he kept telling me to move faster and find work in Singapore, he kept pressuring me, so I went ahead and applied for my EPEC (which got approved last April 16, 2010, Yay for me!) I have started inquiry regarding Student Visa for Nike (so that we could be together as soon as possible) and I have also tried looking at the LTVP (Long Term Visit Pass - Singapore) so that I could take care of my Job hunting in Singapore this September. Everything was perfectly planned, I will push through with my online E-VP Application for LTVP in August so that after 4 weeks processing I can schedule my Personal Appearance in ICA Singapore in September - Just in time for my sister and my arrival in SG. Then once I am there I will start pursuing my walk-in and online applications and re-book my return flight to the Philippines so that once I get a job offer in SG I will come home to the Philippines, take care of my Childs necessities and affairs because we won’t be taking her in Singapore for the first 6 months (the time we need to save money and take care of our house in SG - so that everything is ready when Nike arrives — Her school, Her Student Visa or Dependent Pass, her home and her life). Noel and I will work our asses for the next 6 months, I will get Nike from the Philippines to live with us in Singapore, and then we live happily ever after. But last night the plan changed. And I am upset. Now the plan is to enroll Nike in school (in the Philippines) this June — which I have strong emotions about as I feel that its too early since she’s just 3 years old (i know - i know some kids go to school as early as this age - but in my opinion its too early for a child to be exposed to the pressures of school at this age) I really want to wait another year, or at best when she turns 4 - which mind you is just the right age for Nike if she will be starting school in SG in 2011 (as originally planned). And then the next plan is I just start looking for work Next Year. So that will put a 1 year gap in our original re-union plans. Sucks Right?! Sometimes I feel like I have no say in the matter, that other people always get what they decide they want to happen. I am upset yes, very upset because the original plan was great and it would give us the earliest opportunity to be together again, but what the heck, if my husband feels that he wants more time alone, then fine, so be it. My only question is, why is it too soon for me to work in Singapore? Isn’t it true that if there are 2 people working there, the chances of being able to save more money is twice as much - because here in the Philippines I am only earning 10,000 per month (yup!) If I work in SG whats the lowest salary will I be accepting — 1800 SGD? (60,000 Pesos). I am not going to argue nor am I going to push what I want. I will not be going to Singapore on September (this is final), I do not go to places where I am not wanted for one, and two, I am still very upset. So I guess the next time I see Noel, it will be December. So yeah Plans Suck! And I hate having no say in the world.

Midnight Murmurs on My Mind

I am watching Meet Joe black, and suddenly I caught a glimpse of my wedding pictures via our multiply site where I created this slide show of my self made lay-out of our wedding pictures and I got so sad I wanted to write a letter to my husband.

So here goes.

Dear Daddy,

My Head Hurts, I am sleepy and tired, but the worst part of my day is that I am sad. I wasn’t sad after we talked, but a sudden rush of sadness swept through me when I saw your smiling face on our wedding pictures. And I felt like no matter how much we try to grow together and how much we talk to each other everyday, the distance that we have this past few months is putting a strain on us, on our growth as a couple, on our growth as family. And realizing that makes me sad. It’s not that we are growing apart, but we are not growing together.

I used to know and see your every smile, but now its like we can only share these moments through words and its hard. It gets harder everyday, because no matter how much I try to recover, I sink deeper and deeper into this sad hole just looking at what used to be ours. I want it back, I want you back, I want to grow older everyday WITH you, and not just talking about growing older with you everyday.

God knows how much I miss you, I hope you miss me too.

Love Forever,
Elaine

I guess I’m just being a bit sentimental, yet again. This usually happens to me when I have some beer in my system. Beer tend to have this effect on me, so maybe I should really just start drinking wine, because wine gets me in a happy mood, a happy sleepy mood. Yes, I guess I’ll get myself a glass of wine, forget this silly loneliness and hop to bed. Goodnight Guys! Cheers!

Memories of Singapore

Video 1: Black and White Photo Slide Show of our Memories in Singapore.

Video 2: Colored Photo Slide Show of our Memories in Singapore. (Currently Viewed)

I decided this afternoon that its time to create a Photo Slide Show of our vacation in Singapore last March 18-27, 2010.

It was so hard to choose a few pictures for the 9 days that we spent there because for me, all the pictures are priceless, invaluable and important.

I showed the slideshow to my daughter (Nike) after I encoded it, and afterwards she said “Mommy, Punta ko Daddy” English Translation: Mommy, I want to go to daddy. And she got teary eyed and I knew she suddenly missed her daddy so much.

So I just promised her that this year, before her birthday we will be visiting daddy in Singapore again for 3 weeks.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

Video hosted from: METACAFE

Ordinary Day

So today is just one of the ordinary days of my life. Except I drove from Pasig to Las Pinas just to get my Transcript of Records and back from Las Pinas to Pasig, and found out afterwards that I did not need my transcript of records after all. LOL. So the story behind that is that Singapore EPEC System E-mailed me yesterday saying this:

Dear ELAINE MALONZO,

We have received your documents, but we need you to resubmit the following documents for the

consideration of your application EPEC-2010-11166.

Please provide a copy of your

- BACHELOR’S DEGREE from DE LA SALLE UNIVERSITY, MANILA

Please follow the steps below and upload the document for our processing of your EPEC application.

Step 1. Access EPEC system at https://epec.mom.gov.sg/epec/
Step 2. Log in to EPEC system using both your EPEC reference number and passport number.
Step 3. Upload the requested supporting documents.
Step 4. Click on “Upload” button.

If we do not receive the document within 7 days from the date of this email, your EPEC application

will be withdrawn.

Thank You.

This is a computer generated document. Please do not reply.

So when I received this I immediately thought they did not accept a copy of my Diploma as Proof of my Bachelor’s Degree, so I decided I will go to Las Pinas (my marital home) to get my transcript and submit it to EPEC as soon as possible so that they can process my application immediately.

When I arrived back in pasig, I set up my 3 in 1 Canon Printer to scan the transcript and logged in to EPEC System and to my dismay it said there that I should provide proof why my Name in the Passport and my Diploma is inconsistent / different. So in other words, they wanted me to send a copy of my marriage certificate, which I had a copy of here in Pasig. Grrrr right? wasted gas and effort, but atleast I was able to go out LOL.

After that the remainder of the day was uneventful and hot! and now I am just waiting for my husband to arrive home (his home in SG) from his company dinner so we can chat and laugh about unnecessary trip to Las Pinas.

Oh and a side note, I have not heard from any of the Nestle Field Representatives yet, so they were not able to get the sample of the Spoiled Nestle Chuckie in my possession.

My Thoughts are Jittery and Scattered

So I started my day at 10am - like I usually do. I love sleep and I tend to do it 12 hours a day, but last night I slept late, well, not really, around 2 AM. So I woke up and directly went to my Laptop trying to make it Shush because Skype was ringing, My husbands calling me from Singapore, and my daughter Nike is still asleep. This is how I usually start my day since my husband changed his shift.

I faced my laptop with a smile on my face, morning breath and a morning glory in my eye, yeah, true story. But just like the previous days it is always a good way to start my morning, seeing my husband who is currently in Singapore…Far…Far…away from us.

So he showed me a little bit of magic card tricks that he started learning a few days back from this video that his officemates showed him. One thing I love about Noel is that he is so child-like and gets excited about little things like Magic and toy cars that does drifting, little remote control airplanes and cooking a successful meal for the first time.

later in the afternoon I just can’t stop thinking about Passport Holders, yep, they are my latest obsession. But I can’t seem to find ONE piece of cute but affordable passport holder online, when you search google, you will see plain-leathery-serious looking passport holders that are not cute at all!! I want something that looks like a cute wallet with slots for boarding passes, Luggage Tickets, Embarkation / Disembarkation cards and other things that you use when you travel like Identification cards and credit cards and what-nots. There’s not a cute Passport holder out there! HEY WALLET MAKERS maybe its time you created cute funky Passport Holders, Ticket Holders, Check Holders, Bank Passbook Holders, Card Holders and all the holders you can think of! Its time to make a niche! and I am definitely one of the first people to buy or maybe even buy and sell your products, just make sure they are cute and affordable. Anyway so yeah I was looking at google, amazon, and practically everywhere on the Net and I was only able to come across one Multiply website that sells Gorgeous Korean Made Passport Holders seibufashion shop - a shop in Multiply. Sadly for me the prices are too expensive, although they just range from PhP480 - PhP1500, but I am looking for something thats a bit cheaper, something like PhP200 - PhP300 Per piece but is of the same quality and cuteness. So I continued looking online but found nothing and I suddenly had this craving to go to the Mall, I wanted to go to SM Megamall at first, and then a thought hit me! I WANTED TO GO TO GREENHILLS, just to see if there are shops there that sells cute Passport Holders, yes, I am very Obsessive.

So having no money, I decided not to go out today. Passport holder shopping, rather window shopping will have to be done some other day, specifically pay-day. So I just watched Ugly Betty Season 4 Episodes 15-18 the rest of the afternoon.

And after watching I decided I wanted to get my mom and my dad a valid passport. My dad’s passport was already expired maybe 20 years and my mom never had one. The problems we are facing right now in getting my mom a passport is that she doesn’t have any Identification Cards with her maiden name on it. So I called DFA (Department of Foreign Affairs) to confirm what documents we will need in order to get my mom a passport and I got a list:

Mommy’s requirement for passport new application

NSO Certified Birth Certificate - get in http://www.e-census.com.ph

Baptismal Certificate - with daddy

NBI Clearance - go to megamall

Old Transcript of Records or report card - maybe still with daddy

Daddy’s Requirements for Passport Renewal

Old passport and photocopy of passport pages 1,2,3 (amendment). The pages showing latest Bureau of Immigration departure and arrival stamps. - get from daddy

Birth Certificate from NSO in Security Paper (SECPA) or Negative Birth Record from NSO if born 1950 & below - Get from NSO (ecensus)

Drivers License photocopy - get from daddy

SSS ID PhotoCopy - get from Daddy

So once my dad wakes up from his afternoon nap, I have something new to obsess about…GETTING BOTH OF THEM PASSPORTS!

Once I get all of these documents I will just get their application processed online via PILIPINAS TELESERV, Thats the same agency that helped me get mine and my daughters passport last October 12, 2009.

Although my obsession shifted from Passport Holders to Passport, they are still directly related aren’t they? but the other obsession I am having right now is trying to look for an employer in Singapore. Thats Right! I want to work there, because first and foremost it sucks to be away from my husband and Second I was able to visit Singapore last March 18-27, 2010 and it was just so gorgeous. I just fell in love with the place. It seemed so safe and so organized, I was jealous that my husband gets to live in such a beautiful place and I get stuck HERE. Don’t get me wrong I love my family, I don’t want to leave them here (hence doing the first step of getting them passports *wink* *wink*) but I’d really really love to raise my daughter in a place where I wouldn’t have to worry about her getting kidnapped or taken and sold, or raped or murdered, or getting hit by speeding car. I want her to grow up realizing the good things in life and not having to worry about strange murderous people that is lurking in the shadows.

So I have been applying online, via Job Search Engines and via email for the past week and its somehow getting frustrating, because my resume is really bad, and I think no Singaporean employer is interested in me. I have been trying my hardest to find work online, but I guess I will have to go to Singapore to hunt for Jobs personally, Just waiting for my Singapore EPEC (Employment Pass Eligibility Certificate) to push through.

So whats the EPEC? well its a certificate and a 12-month Social Visit Visa to Singapore that will tell your prospective employers that they will not have a hard time getting an S-Pass or E-Pass when they decide to hire you. And as mentioned its a 12 month social visit visa, which means you can stay for a duration of 1 whole year in Singapore to look for work, granted that you can support yourself while you are there. Because you know tourists are only granted a maximum of 1 month stay in Singapore. So for me, knowing that I may have a hard time looking for work, since I have a really bad Curriculum Vitae, I need this EPEC.

Anyway thats all my scattered thoughts for the day. See yah!