Conversations

Just a few minutes ago I was talking to my daughter because she was constantly screaming at her yaya for no apparent reason. If this happened months ago, I would already be berserk with anger and would be screaming at Nike too, but something in me changed over the last month that made me realize I have been slipping into becoming a bad mother, so I changed my ways.

So today when Nike was being mean to her yaya, I went to her asked her to go inside our room, she was already expecting the worse and started crying, I closed the door sat down on the bed and asked her to sit down beside me. She bawled like there was no tomorrow, I wiped her tears and said calmly to her, Why are shouting at ate Nalen? Do you want Ate Nalen to leave? To this she replied, No, then why are you shouting at Ate Nalen, she tried explaining it to me by saying, “because butchi is going out the gate” (ofcourse her answer wasn’t in pure english - she’s only 3 and is raised in a bi-lingual environment) So I asked her, so if butchi was going out the gate why did you shout at ate Nalen? Do you want mommy to let her go home, do you want ate Nalen to leave us? Maybe Mommy should just let ate Nalen leave? then she cried again, she said No, I don’t want ate Nalen to leave. Then I explained to her, If you don’t want ate Nalen to leave then you should be good to ate Nalen, because if you don’t then she will leave us. Our conversation went longer because being a 3 year old kid, Nike had the tendency to repeat her questions over and over, so I answered her questions patiently and explained the situation to her over and over.

After our conversation, I left the room to grab a glass of water and I heard Nike leave the room and knock on her yaya’s door and she said “Ate Nalen, Sorry, Huwag ka aalis ha?” (translation: Ate Nalen, Sorry, don’t leave me ok?). I am so proud of my daughter for realizing the mistakes she made and so touched that she took the initiative to say sorry without me asking her to do so.

I also learned that by being calm, my daughter understands more of the consequences of her actions and tends to follow the emotions that I have as well. I guess Nike only learned to shout because I used to shout, and now that I have changed, I guess Nike will also change for the better.

Momentary Relapse

I have promised myself that I will become a better mother. And I have been doing a great job at it the past 2 weeks. I felt so proud of myself. But tonight I had a momentary relapse. I got so mad at my daughter tonight when she started crying while sleeping for no reason, at first I kept asking and asking her why, but she wouldn’t say a word, she didn’t ask for milk nor did she say she wanted to pee, she just cried and cried and I snapped, I got so mad I screamed at her, then I felt she wanted to pee and brought her to the restroom, when I was pulling her pyjamas down she peed on herself and I got more upset and screamed at her again. I feel so ashamed of myself because the last two weeks I was able to hold it together. There were no anger and more understanding, but tonight I just had to ruin it. I feel so bad but I know there will be moments that I wouldn’t be able to control myself, I am not perfect, but when I looked at her again after she fell asleep I felt so bad. I took her in my arms cradled her like a little baby and told her I am sorry, in my surprise she said “its ok mommy” then I told her I loved her and she said “I love you.” A tear fell from my eyes realizing how forgiving and loving my daughter is, I knew she didn’t deserve the outburst that I had, and I will make up for it. I just need to make sure things like that doesn’t happen again. I love my daughter and I know I mean the world to her, and I will not disappoint her. I have been making progress and I will not stop, I will not let this slip up stop me from pursuing my goal of becoming a better mom. Tomorrow is a new day to make it up to my daughter.

Image from: Behindmyblueeyes

A New Adventure

Yesterday My Sister (Tiggy), her son (Kian), My Daughter (Nike) and I went to Eastwood to celebrate the weekend. This is something both my sister and I thought would be something necessary to do for our children, so that they have something to look forward to every week. Last weekend we all went to Robinsons Galleria to Celebrate Kians 3rd Birthday. We ate at Burgoo and enjoyed a whole afternoon in Tom’s World where the children had so much fun riding the Ferris Wheel and Nike had a go at the crazy bus. It was all new for all of us, we usually just go to fun ranch - active fun and let the kids play with slides and balls. But we decided we wanted something different to try every week. And we did.

Yesterday all 4 of us went to Eastwood to celebrate yet another weekend. My sister and I decided we will enroll them to Gymboree Play and Music. We both had 5 free 1 hour play stubs along with our enrollment and yesterday my sister and I used 1 each to let our children enjoy the play gym. It was a smaller place compared to Active fun, smaller slides and no pool balls, I thought Nike might get bored with the place, but lo and behold she loved it even more than she loved active fun, which is saying a lot, because she loved active fun to bits!

They had mattresses everywhere where babies from as young as 6 months can play, though they have an age limit, only children aged 5 years and below can play. I like the set-up this way no bigger kids who plays more rowdily and dangerously can harm the babies who are just learning to walk and the little kids who can barely stand up straight.

They had balls that children can play with, and these soft contraptions where I can play hide and seek with my daughter. There are a few small slides that little children will not get scared of riding, they also have 1 rocking horse, a wooden monkey bar and a wooden 2 way swing that up to 4 children can ride. They have inflatable Donut shaped things that children can hide in, or parents and guardians can lie on.

The ambiance is really great, its colorful and well lighted, well ventilated, and its light to the eyes. It really was a very charming place, and my daughter and my nephew loved it there. I even had a short conversation with my daughter on the ride home from Eastwood:

Me: Nike did you have fun?

Nike: Yes!

Me: Did you love Gymboree?

Nike: Yes!

Me: What do you love more, Gymboree or FunRanch? (I purposely ended the question with Fun Ranch because I did not want Nike’s answer to be influenced by what I said last - kids tend to just repeat the last thing they hear.)

Nike: ummm… GYMBOREE!!!!

And from that short conversation, I realized that I did make the right decision of having her enrolled in Gymboree for a month long class in July. So we will see more of Eastwoods - Gymboree really really soon.

A Better Mother

Ever since my husband, Noel, left to work in Singapore, I have changed. I used to be very attached to my daughter, Nike, and I was very playful. But after Noel left, I have been depressed for a while, I was not able to take very good care of Nike.

When Noel was still in the Philippines with me and Nike, she was used to receiving tons of attention from me and her dad, we’d go out for a short walk everyday and take pictures while we were out, it didn’t matter if there weren’t any occasion, I’d take tons of pictures of her and admire her. We would schedule a weekend play time for Nike either in Alabang Town Center or in Active Fun and I would be so excited to spend hours and hours of playtime with her and not get tired of her laughter. As hard as it is to admit, since Noel left, I have been absent, I no longer take Nike to a daily stroll or bike ride outside, I rarely take pictures of her, and I barely take notice of her even when she is just sitting beside me at home, not only did she lose the presence of her dad, but she also lost the attention of her mom. I drowned myself in the depressing thought that my husband isn’t here and that I am not happy. I forgot that my daughter is probably also very sad that her daddy is not here. Now when I look at her I realize my mistakes. The six months that it took me to realize what my depression is doing to may daughter, made her a completely different child. She is now more selfish and would not share her toys to anyone, I would often catch her picking a fight with her cousin Kian trying to take Kian’s toys from him and would cry so loud and hysterically when she does not get her way. She has also become hard headed and would not listen to anything I say, but the most difficult thing for me to realize is how much self confidence she lost in that six months. And I have no one else to blame but myself and my emotional absence.

Since I started to realize the emotional stress that I am causing my daughter, I slowly started trying to regain my emotional presence in her life. When I am working on my computer and she approaches me, I try make sure to take a time off to talk to her, hold her in my arms and ask her if she needs anything. I also re-started to teach her to recognize the alphabet and numbers. I have also started reading to her again every night. We are having slow progress as of the moment, but I am already seeing a huge difference in her, she is now a little more giving and instead of picking fights with her cousin, would just kiss him instead. We are still having a bit of trouble with her obedience, but we are definitely making progress. I have also seen a lot of changes in myself too, although they are bits of progress, I am less depressed now and more appreciative of her. I think I have also started to fall in love with her more again. I am committed to making this change in my life for the sake of my daughter, and I am hoping that this commitment will help me succeed in making myself and my daughter a better person in the months and even years to come.

Blue Ribbon - Stop Child Abuse

Decorate your web pages with Blue Ribbons this month, to show your support for Stopping Child Abuse:

A friend from Fluff-friends gave me this message:

An average of 4 children die everyday as a result of child abuse or neglect. In the United States, 1 in every 58 children is abused or neglected (more than 1.25 million children). More than half of those children are victims of neglect, where basic needs aren’t getting met. The rest are victims of physical, sexual, and emotional abuse.

April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month. Blue is the color associated with child abuse prevention and awareness. These wings represent every child who has ever been/is being/may be abused and/or neglected. We need to do everything we can to give these beautiful, innocent children a voice. 

If you’d like to show your support, please put these wings in your habitat for the duration of the month, and leave your link on my wall, so I can come and visit you. If you’d like more information on child abuse prevention, visit this website: http://www.childwelfare.gov/preventing/preventionmonth/. Thank you! xxx

And I am Reposting an article from FUNKYTOWN 

 According to wikipedia, “in the U.S.A., a Blue Ribbon Campaign against child abuse originated in the spring of 1989 when Bonnie Finney of Virginia tied a blue ribbon to her car antenna, as tribute to her three year old grandson, Michael Bubba Dickinson, who died at the hands of his abusive father. The blue color of the ribbon symbolizes the color of bruises.”

Sad to say that child abuse, which may cause serious injury to the child and may even result in death, happens in all cultural, ethnic, and income groups. The child abuse statistic in USA shows that an estimated 906,000 children are victims of abuse & neglect every year. The rate of victimization is 12.3 children per 1,000 children.

I know this is horrific to read and see, but if it helps to stop child abuse, we must all pass it on.

Here’s a poem:

BLUE RIBBON AGAINST CHILD ABUSE

My name is Sarah
I am but three,
my eyes are swollen
I cannot see.
I must be stupid,
I must be bad,
what else could have made
my daddy so mad?I wish I were better,
I wish I weren’t ugly,
then maybe my Mommy
would still want to hug me.I can’t speak at all,
I can’t do a wrong
or else I’m locked up
all the day long.When I awake I’m all alone
the house is dark
my folks aren’t home.When my Mommy does come
I’ll try and be nice,
so maybe I’ll get just
one whipping tonight.

 

Don’t make a sound!
I just heard a car
my daddy is back
from Charlie’s Bar.I hear him curse
my name he calls
I press myself
against the wall.I try and hide
from his evil eyes
I’m so afraid now
I’m starting to cry.He finds me weeping
he shouts ugly words,
he says its my fault
that he suffers at work.

 

He slaps me and hits me
and yells at me more,
I finally get free
and I run for the door. He’s already locked it
and I start to bawl,
he takes me and throws me
against the hard wall.

I fall to the floor
with my bones nearly broken,
and my daddy continues
with more bad words spoken.

‘I’m sorry!’ I scream

but its now much too late
his face has been twisted
into unimaginable hate.

The hurt and the pain
again and again
oh please God, have mercy!
oh please let it end!

And he finally stops
and heads for the door,
while I lay there motionless
sprawled on the floor.

My name is Sarah
and I am but three,
tonight my daddy
murdered me.

*~*~*AGAINST CHILD ABUSE*~*~*

As individuals and community members, we have the power to prevent child abuse and keeps kids safe and families strong. So, it’s our duty to pass this poem on as a Blue Ribbon Against Child Abuse!

Again, Support the cause, decorate your sites, whether it is facebook or friendster, Multiply, Tumblr - Let people know about child abuse. Let people be aware so we can prevent children from dying because of maltreatments of adults.